Maybe I'm reading into people too much...........

So the last 3 days Jayla and I have been going to a dance camp that our league sponsored ( on top of our other obligations) . Of course 2 of those days I had to take my little boys with us. MISTAKE!

The first day was managable. We only had a few close calls of toys hurling through the air and almost decapitating a few cheerleaders. The second day was a non-football day so that Tanner could watch the little terrors at home(Dan works late on non-football days to try to make up for the days he is coaching). I didn't mind being outside in the cold and rain that day, when there wasn't the stress of making sure that one of the little boys didn't try to slide tackle a cheerleader to her knees. The 3rd day was inside, but I had to bring the 2 little devils. Unlike many parents, I try to teach my kids to behave in public. Not more than 2 minutes after starting the camp, the discipline started. Again toys flying through the air, name calling began, running through the cheer formations turning into a "frogger" type game. Who can run through them as fast as possible without getting knocked down by cheer moves. The boys spent more than half the time sitting with their backs against a wall, with the threat of loosing limbs if they dare escape. The 5 year old is smart and takes his punishment, the 3 year old thinks it's funny to try to run away, while yelling "Ha, Ha! Come and get me mommy!"

I love the stares I get....... Some as if to think "it serves you right!" Others just glare, even while their children are playing the same "frogger" game and sliding their toys through cheerleaders feet. I find I get defensive and end up in a starring contest. Who ever wins is the better parent. I find that I feel that where ever I go I am always being judged by people. I have had people flat out tell me "That's why we've stopped at one".

Generally my kids are well behaved. A lot of the stress I feel is self imposed. Yes my kids act like kids, but I do try to give direction to them so they have minimal effect on others around them. Though I have those days where I think "What have I done!?" and maybe want to sell a few to make a buck. Those days are really few and far between. If they are not harming those around them I find myself laughing at their antics. I really wouldn't have it any other way.......... but "the buck stops here", uh I mean at 4.

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Things I love.........

I have been trying to have better thoughts go through my head, than the negative ones I have been having lately. So this morning as I dropped my kids off at school I was trying to make a list in my head of all the things I love. Here is just a few things that went through my head.......( some are deeper than others, but it's MY list of things)

The blessing I have to be a wife
Being a mother
taking my kids to school so I am the last person they get encouragement from before entering into their long day of learning.
Picking my kids up from school so that I am the first person they talk to about their immediate reactions of what that day at school brought them.
Spending time with my family, even if its as little as driving them around. (as you can tell most of my life is in the car)
Having a devoted husband and father to my kids
Watching my husband in his working capacity (it's fun to see him interact and see how co-workers interact with him) I like seeing him in a different angle.
Having the ability to see my kids learn at such fast speeds
My opportunity to volunteer in such a great school that fits my children's needs
I love the gym, with the mental break it gives me and learning the importance of my body
The gospel, and how it affects my daily decisions for the better
Ice cream
the friends I have
My husbands ability to work hard, and provide me with the option to raise my kids.
Learning

Those are just a few things. I have an on going list in my head that I will hopefully be able to recall when I am having those negative things pop back into my head.

I really need to get a camera! I can't keep storing all the pics I take on my phone. And for some reason I can't get the pictures I do have to post on to the stupid blog! There, that's said.


My kids have started school. It is a love/ hate relationship. We love having a schedule but now I feel we (I) am too scheduled. My kids are everywhere and I am with them. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I feel. It makes me feel sort of guilty that now I have 3 in school I can't wait for #4 to join them! Is it wrong for me to want some of my own time again?

Tanner is back into football, and is already learning to work through some physical pain. He has a slight muscle tear in his chest, which was making any pushing motion kind of difficult. We did have him x-rayed to make sure it wasn't something more. I keep telling him that if he wants to take some time off he can, but he doesn't. He looks so small with the other linemen he has on his team. It's really weird seeing those tables turn . He is as happy as a 5th grader can be about being in school. It really freaks me out that he will be in middle school next year! UGH!

Jayla decided to cheer again this year and is doing cross country as well. She is LOVING school. She always does. She has her best friend Isabelle in her class for the 3rd year in a row. They are quite a pair. Both are so shy it's almost painful, but when they get together they are hilarious! Just a bundle of giggles. She is really liking cross country, but is still a little reserved. She is such a great daughter and sister!

Zach is LOVING school as well. He is so happy to have homework (we'll see how long that lasts). He is OOZING personality. And will talk to anyone or tell people how it is. He is a crazy man in soccer, and will talk trash to the other team (again, PERSONALITY). He tells Dan on a weekly basis he is going to score "like 10 times". He has score multiple times each week, but hasn't hit that goal yet.

Jake is LOVING school, too. Because then he is the only one home for part of the day. The first week of school, we would drop the kids off and he would tell me "lets go home so I can play the Wii, ALL BY MYSELF!". He wishes he could do something in sports like the other kids. I keep telling him that next Spring he will get to play soccer. He can't wait.

I have been in a "mood " it seems for the past couple months. It's all internal, but I have been really trying to work on a better attitude towards "things". Be patient with me as I may vent sometimes on this blog. Or write cryptic messages. It's just LIFE.