It's time to get REAL......
OK, so on the outside I am normally a pretty up beat, happy person, just living life as it is thrown at me. Inside is the complete opposite of what everyone else sees. I am someone struggling to keep herself together and not break down crying, because my thoughts of inadequacy are looming up and trying to take over my every thought. Making me think that I am not doing a very good job as a mother, wife, friend or whatever role I am put in.
I have been feeling like a "loser" lately and it didn't help going to HFPE. It was one of those "feel good" nights and the speaker asked us to write down 5 things that I do good and then we were to share one of those. I thought and thought and couldn't think of anything! I didn't write anything down and then it was time for me to share. I held in the tears and the urge to run out of the room yelling "I hate you all! I am not like all of you cookie cutter women who have it all together and are always perfect!" I didn't want to look pathetic and quickly said "loyal" and that was it.
Now 2 days later I still can't think of 5 things I do well. I can think of a hundred things I WISH I did well.... keep a clean and tidy house, laundry isn't the size of Mt. Everest, was 20 lbs lighter, yada, yada, yada! And here I am making a "booby blog" when I should be doing......
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Posted by Emily Lewis at 9:21 AM
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4 comments:
Emily, I know it takes courage to express your inner feelings. It's easier to just let people think everything is perfect. I totally know how you are feeling though. It's so easy to think of all the things we'd like to be or do and it's easy to think of what others are good at, but when it comes to ourselves all of a sudden we become the most boring or most inadequet person in the world. Which we all know is NOT true! Here's a list for you to help you out (you just have to believe me!):
1. Guitar Hero!! You rock!!
2. Support and encourage Dan and the kids in everything they are involved in.
3. Communication...the conversation never dies when you're around.
4. Integrity: what you see is what you get, you are always true to yourself.
5. Teaching your kids the importance of respect, appreciation, and obedience.
Do you want me to keep going because I can? Hope that helps. Cheer up!
Luv ya, Raenie
Oh my gosh Em, I know we've talked about this before and how hard it is to open up to people about what we're feeling. But, as your little sis I have to say that I look up to you so much and here are some things I admire about you:
1. You are young at heart. Probably one of the hippest/coolest moms around
2. You are always trying to be the best person you can be. That is so admirable. Some people just get stuck with where they are at, but not you.
3. You are intelligent. I am amazed at how you think of new and ingenious ways to organize your house/children.
4. You are so easy to talk to. I love chatting with you and I guess it goes along with #3 because you always have something insightful to say.
5. You have wonderful kids. The reason why I included that is because it reflects how awesome you are in every way. They reflect all of the good qualities that you have.
Man, I could put way more. But just know I love ya!!
Oh My Dear Emily,
As your mother, I must tell you how wonderful I think you are. And of course, you are saying to yourself, "You're my mother, so of course you think I'm wonderful." But here are some things that I truly feel are wonderful about you. I may have told you this but I will tell you again, I have been grateful for the ray of sunshine you have been in your father's and my life since the moment you were born. You have always been amazing to me in your athletic abilities through your teen-age years and even as an adult. You remind me a lot of your Gma Dorothy in your artistic ability and in the way you cook and bake. Also, the most wonderful thing to me right now is your commitment to the gospel as you are raising those four precious children that Father in Heaven has given you and Dan. And also, what a great help-meet you are to your husband. There is so much more but I need to tell you how much I love you and am grateful that you are close by.
Your Mother
Emily - Sounds like a crappy sort of thing to have to do in public. Few people (if any) can come away from something like that without questioning themselves or comparing themselves to others.
I add a big AMEN to what everyone else has said about you. You are a very smart, strong lady who is a good example of trying to choose not just the good, or the better, but the very best for you & your family! Love you!
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